


closer to the edge

by jeonstellation



Series: shatterdome love blossom [1]
Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Friends to Lovers, M/M, Pacific Rim AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-31
Updated: 2018-03-31
Packaged: 2019-04-07 19:49:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,631
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14088384
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jeonstellation/pseuds/jeonstellation
Summary: in between endless ocean and giant monsters, soonyoung realizes he’s falling in love (and so does wonwoo).or a Pacific Rim AU that had been in my head for a year and I decided to spit it out.





	closer to the edge

**Author's Note:**

> hello this is dean projecting her love for pacific rim and hey, who doesn't want to see soonyoung and wonwoo as jaeger pilots? (maybe only me, but oh well)  
> a big thanks for naput who beta this up (thank you mwa♡) and cleo, for the mental support to keep me writing!  
> i love you both, and you who's reading this fic, thank you♡

 

 

 

            Wonwoo isn’t there when Soonyoung comes to the cafeteria for dinner. When he gets to his usual table, everyone is already seated there. Even his co-pilot Chan—who had barely changed his shirt after today’s battle—is there, greeting him with a curt nod as he pushes a tray full of food towards Soonyoung. He replies with a wide grin, cheeks rounded up and eyes turning into crescents before digging in.

            “If only Soonyoung-hyung and Chan didn’t interfere my close-range combat with Mutavore, I might have marked our third kill,” Seokmin pouts, literally pouts like a child he is, and points at Chan who has a smug smile on his face.

            “We’re saving your ass from getting whooped by the Kaiju, hyung,” Chan bites back, pointing at Seokmin with his fork. “It was too dangerous for Fireside to confront from such a distance. There’s possibilities that you’d get headbutted in the chest, tumbling back and it could straddle your jaeger and start peeling out the body parts. You’ll hear the same thing if you ask Jihoon-hyung.”

            Jihoon who sits by the end of their table, confirms the statement with a loud snort, to which Chan claims with a triumphant smile on his face as Seokmin’s frown grows deeper. Somehow, Soonyoung manages to tune Seokmin and Chan’s loud conversation out, feeling too fidgety at Wonwoo’s absence. There’s something at the back of his mind that tells him to go and find his best friend. He hasn’t seen him since morning, too occupied by the combat practice and Kaiju business thus only hearing his deep, low voice over the comms during the battle.

            (There’s an inside joke about how Wonwoo and Soonyoung should be inside a Jaeger, fighting off Kaiju because their drift compatibility is beyond any other rangers’. But of course, it’s just a joke.)

            He grabs an apple before excusing himself from the crowd, dodging Junhui’s attempt to jab his side by slapping his hand away. The last thing he heard is Chan reminding him about tonight’s party—it’s more like casually lounging at the Jaeger Bay, though sometimes there’s alcohol involved—which Soonyoung blatantly ignores as he continues to jog along the corridor, occasionally throwing smile and nodding towards the passing crews, until he gets to the Control Room.

            His shoulders visibly relax when he catches sight of a sleeping figure in the swivel chair. The glow from the controller screen reflects on Wonwoo, red and blue against his pale skin. He literally curls in his chair, glasses askew because his head hangs so low Soonyoung afraid he’ll break his bone. Soonyoung takes a seat across from him, staring at the sleeping boy for a moment with something gentle gleaming in his eyes. He’s about to leave the room when Wonwoo slowly reboots, eyes fluttering open and a thin smile blooms on his face.

            “That was a great move to end Mutavore,” he said, voice raspy with traces of his nap. “Good job.”

            Soonyoung has heard those words a lot today, including from the Marshall, but none of them can bring so much pride and happiness as hearing them from Wonwoo. “Thanks,” he grins, cheeks dusted pink. “Why aren’t you eating dinner?”

            “I was compiling details from the battle earlier, for the report,” he takes off the glasses and massages the bridge of his nose gently. “That was the very first Category IV. We should be prepared for more of them.”

            Soonyoung understands that not only Jaeger pilots who work to save the world, but also people like Wonwoo. He’s the eyes of Jaegers, he owns the ocean plane and knows how to work the way there. Sometimes Soonyoung thinks it’s a lot cooler to be a LOCCENT Mission controller than a Jaeger pilot.

            The pilot hands him the apple, which Wonwoo takes with a quiet thank you. “Might as well improve our battle skill and Jaegers while we’re at it. We’re losing them faster than we can build them,” Soonyoung frowns, staring at the screen that shows the x-ray image of the Pacific Ocean, the Breach glowing in bright red.  “We need more rangers.”

            “We need more people who are willing to fight rather than hide,” Wonwoo mutters, hands pressing buttons without even having to see them. He has developed a skill to operate the LOCCENT like it’s a part of his own body.

            Soonyoung leans back into his chair, shifting into a more comfortable position as he watches Wonwoo put on his glasses and start skimming the report papers, eyes sharp and focused. He smiles to himself at the sight, Wonwoo didn’t change that much even after years since the Jaeger Academy. They lived by the shore of Busan, the beach boys who woke up to the beautiful sunrise in the horizon and lulled to sleep by the sea breeze. They decided to enlist to the Jaeger Academy together, flew to the isolated Kodiak Island just to learn how to fight and kill the creature that had been destroying their homeland, leaving their mundane world to step into a dangerous one. They come back to Busan two years after the first tragedy as someone else, someone who would protect their home.

            “Your mom called me this morning,” Wonwoo announces, eyes fixed on Soonyoung as the pilot yawns and stretches his body. “She asked me whether you forgot that you have family out there. So, I told her about you and your new obsession towards corn chips, and she asked me to be her son instead.”

            Soonyoung snorts, shifting into a comfortable position, “She’s always liked you.”

            “What can I say, I’m a womanizer,” Wonwoo laughs as a playful punch lands on his arms. “I’m being serious! For example, no one can escape Myungeun’s wrath except me.”

            “Yeah, yeah, that’s just because you love to baby her so much. She got brainwashed by your fake kindness,” Soonyoung waves his hand dismissively. He yawns for the second time and that earns a hard look from the latter. “What?”

            “Sleep in your room. You need a proper rest,” Wonwoo says, a slight frown painted across his face.

            The truth is, the chair starts to feel a little more comfortable than before and Soonyoung doesn’t have the energy to walk across the Shatterdome just to get to his bed. And knowing that Wonwoo is socially awkward and would prefer to lock himself in the control room without anyone to check on him, Soonyoung guesses sleeping in the chair will do.

            “Nah, I’m good. Wake me up when the Breach spits out another Kaiju.”

 

✰✰✰

 

            If there was anything that Soonyoung looked forward to in his future was this: the roaring sound of audience clapping and cheering for him as he danced, and he would bask in pride and glory, delivering his happiness through a grateful bow to them. He dreamt of going around the world, telling his story through choreographies. But there was the unforeseen—the monster apocalypse, who would’ve thought that?—so Soonyoung had to bury his dreams deep down in the back of his mind, instead enlisting to the Jaeger Academy.

            But maybe the death of his dreams is what makes Endless Riot so swift and agile, knowing that Chan also had to do the same thing to his own dreams.

            (He dreamt the Jaeger that he and Wonwoo would pilot would be the tallest among all, armor painted in pale grey and black and glowing light blue, armed with heavy weaponry designed for long range combat. Tall, pale Jaeger, imposing to the world.)

            “Marshall Choi on deck. Securing the Conn-Pod,” Wonwoo announces, hands pressing buttons and pushing levers in nimble movements. “Getting ready for the drop.”

            Soonyoung could hear Chan taking a long, deep breath over the comms. The first thing he learned about Lee Chan back when he was recruiting a co-pilot was his fear over heights. Getting dropped from a few feet in the air in a giant head of a humanoid robot must be nerve-wracking for Chan. It’s such an antithesis considering he’s controlling the Jaeger from a hundred feet above the ground, towering over the tallest building in the city.

            “Hey, don’t mock my fear, hyung,” Chan makes an annoyed face, igniting laughter from both Soonyoung and Wonwoo. “It just makes my neck tingle! Nothing else!”

            “Sure, Channie,” Wonwoo adds the pet name on purpose, that annoying prick. “Hyung is here to catch you.”

            Soonyoung can’t help but laugh at them. Hearing the two of them bantering brings some sort of comfort for him, knowing that Chan will always have his back during fights and Wonwoo be their eyes and ears in the wide plane of ocean.

            Chan gives him a knowing look—he must’ve heard his thoughts due to Drifting—and dismisses it with a grin before focusing back on Seungcheol’s voice over the comms, “Looks like we’re having another Category IV, boys. Leatherback is a heavy one too. I think it’s better for Endless to stay put on the back and Fireside to charge first.”

            “Copy that, sir,” Mingyu’s voice echoes at Endless’ conn-pod. “Minus Fireside heading to the coastline.”

            Wonwoo keeps an eye on the moving blue dot which indicates Fireside’s position on his screen, conversation between the Jumphawk pilots crisscrossing over his earpiece. He got distracted a bit by Hansol’s arrival, carrying a few papers about Leatherback which Wonwoo immediately passed to the pilots.

            “ _’Typically have strong endurance to physical effect due to its thick skin and sturdy structures’_ \- oh fuck,” he curses under his breath, wracking his brain to find a way to beat the monster. He talks to Hansol in a low voice before going back to the pilots. “I think Fireside has to tire him out first. Engage a close-range combat but be careful not to let it get a grip on you. It has pretty strong arms that could crush any of your Jaeger’s part.”

            “Endless, stay put until I command you for an assistance,” Seungcheol adds, to which Soonyoung and Chan answer in sync.

            Soonyoung watched the Jumphawks drop Fireside to the sea, a few feet away from the gigantic Leatherback. Fireside is a massive one with deadly maneuvers, perfect to confront the Kaiju. Soonyoung hopes that this fight wouldn’t take long.

            Leatherback roars in agony as Fireside’s uppercut jabs on his huge belly, its arms delivering punches towards the Jaeger blindly. Fireside staggered back and grabs Leatherback on the neck, squeezing it tight as the Kaiju claws on the Jaeger’s arm. Soonyoung winces a bit as Seokmin and Mingyu’s shout foul names at the Kaiju. He feels like his earpiece would explode in any moment but that’s how they fight, screaming their anger out. The shouts turn into painful screams when Leatherback regains its strength, grabbing Fireside by the stomach and tear some parts out of the Jaeger. Soonyoung watches in horror as Mingyu launches the cannon, balls of plasma hit Leatherback in the face, sending the Kaiju tumbling down into the ocean.

            Seungcheol frantically calls for the pilots. “Seokmin, are you okay? Mingyu?”

            There’s a few second of staggered breathing before Seokmin replies with a shaky, “We’re okay.”

            “Be alert,” Wonwoo warns, eyes focused on the screen. “It’s moving slow underwater due to the plasma damage, but it’s waiting for a chance to attack you.”

            Soonyoung punches the button and speak, “We’re moving in.”

            There’s a strong determination in his voice that makes Wonwoo feel something familiar in his guts. Soonyoung is ready for war and Wonwoo can do nothing except try his best to watch his best friend’s back. “Okay. Fireside, can you try to hold Leatherback long enough for Endless to stab its heart?”

            “Wouldn’t it be too dangerous? What if Endless’ plasma sword gets through and damage Fireside?” Hansol says, concern gleaming in his eyes.

            “They can stab deep enough to peel Leatherback away so Fireside can shoot its head,” Wonwoo grits his teeth. He doesn’t want anyone coming home injured from the battle.

            “He’s right. Do you think you can do that, Ranger Kwon?” Seungcheol asks.

            “Of course, it’s no big deal,” Wonwoo can practically hear the smirk in Soonyoung’s voice and it immediately brings an air of confidence over him and other crews. “Let’s end this in no time.”

            What Soonyoung doesn’t expect as they run towards Fireside is Leatherback emerging from the ocean, jumping high and latching itself onto Fireside’s back. Its claws are planted deep in the Jaeger’s forearm, causing a loud and deafening alert to pop up on Wonwoo’s screen, accompanied by an AI voice informing him that the left arm has almost gone cold. Seungcheol calls for the pilots’ name frantically while Wonwoo checks on Fireside’s other parts.

            “Shit, it got through the plasma tank. They won’t be able to shoot him off,” Wonwoo mutters. “Endless, I think you should stab it in the heart. Now.”

            He could hear Soonyoung taking a long, deep breath before commanding the AI to unleash Endless’ twin swords. It’s a beautiful thing, the plasma sword. Planted on both of Endless’ hands, sharp and glowing in luminescent blue between the darkness of the storm that surrounds them. They’re charging at full speed, aiming the twin swords towards Leatherback’s heart and belly but within a second, Leatherback turns around, catching one of the sword while the other one manages to stab through its stomach.

            Wonwoo bites his lower lip as he watches Endless struggle to get away from Leatherback’s grip, who’s still latched onto Fireside’s back even with a sword in its stomach. He hesitates for a bit—there’s a plan forming in his head but he’s not sure whether it would make them win. But when Soonyoung whispers his name under his breath, a wave of certainty washes over him.

            “Fireside,” Wonwoo calls, voice tight. “Ignite your rear jet. Burn it down.”

            “Copy that, Jeon,” Mingyu replies, pressing the button within seconds. He exchanges gazes with Seokmin and grimaces. “Brace for impact, Seokkie.”

            Leatherback roars in pain as the fire burns through its stomach, doubling the impact from Endless’ previous attack. The claws are in too deep, making the Kaiju unable to peel itself away and thus gives Endless the chance to retract one of the twin swords from Leatherback’s grip.

            There’s a loud shout coming from Soonyoung and Chan as they slash the swords across the monster’s neck, effectively killing it. Wonwoo leans back in his chair, sighing in relief as he watches Fireside pull Leatherback’s claws off and lets the now dead Kaiju fall into the deep, dark ocean.

            “Bagged our third kill, sir,” Soonyoung’s voice echoes through the Mission Control room, igniting a lot of happy smiles from the crew members. “Please take us home immediately.”

            Home. Wonwoo wonders if the Shatterdome has become their home. That this rowdy, crowded place where they strive everyday to be alive and save everyone, has become their home (sometimes Wonwoo dreams of going home and live a normal life, and oddly enough, Soonyoung is always in the picture).

            That’s something to ponder about later—at least for now, they’re safe.

 

✰✰✰

 

            It’s one of the nights where nothing much happened. No Kaiju emerging out of the blue, no training session, no combat exercise. This is where they can be themselves, teenage boys and girls on the edge of maturity spending time like they’re living a normal life.

            Wonwoo can smell the thick scent of alcohol when he gets to the Jaeger Bay. A small crowd of people are gathering at Endless’ hangar, right on its massive feet. His sight is really bad but he doesn’t have to squint to spot Soonyoung sitting on the edge of Endless’ toe, legs swinging like a child.

            (He’s still the same Soonyoung he knew since as long as he could remember. They loved to sit by the port and watch the sunset, legs swinging and bare feet dipping into the water.)

            Junhui pulls Wonwoo to sit and join the circle, only to have Soonyoung squeeze himself into the spot next to him a few moments later. It definitely feels like old times, Soonyoung’s warmth feels too familiar.

            His attention shifts to Myungeun, who stands from her spot and coughs as if she has something big to announce. She grins at everyone before clapping her hands in enthusiasm. “Let’s play a game! In order to maintain the harmony between us–” She’s cut off when Soonyoung shouts stuff about her being cheesy that makes Myungeun shoot him a glare and effectively shut him up. “Let’s take a moment and say anything you want to say to the person next to you.”

            “Yeah, that way you can confess your crush on Changkyun,” Wonwoo laughs, dodging the empty beer can that Myungeun throws at him. Soonyoung joins the laughter, pointing at her red ears.

           It is indeed a cheesy thing to do, but everyone eventually agrees to it (Myungeun has always been the sweetest, an innocent soul trapped in such a cruel world). So Myungeun starts first, saying something so fast that Changkyun barely catches it (Myungeun avoids his gaze almost immediately and unfortunately, misses the gentle smile that blooms on Changkyun’s face). And it continues: Changkyun to Jihoon, Jihoon to Mingyu, Mingyu to Seokmin, Seokmin to Hansol, Hansol to Junhui, Junhui to Wonwoo and finally Wonwoo turns to look at Soonyoung.

            Wonwoo has always been hard to read, even to someone that grew up with him like Soonyoung did, and right now, there’s something unreadable in his eyes. But Soonyoung is so sure he can see  _so much_  fondness and his lips curl into a thin, gentle smile. He couldn’t lie that his heart beats faster when Wonwoo opens his mouth, words at the tip of his tongue.

            “Thank you,” is all he says. There’s a moment of silence before Wonwoo continues, “Thank you for always being here for me, Soon-ah.”

            It isn’t something grand. It’s just a simple gratitude, yet it renders Soonyoung speechless. His words carry so much things unsaid. Thank you for staying and sharing his happiness with him, thank you for understanding him during the dark days, thank you for always being his anchor.

            Soonyoung only manages to reply with a shaky smile and a quiet, “Anytime. You’d do the same for me too, Nonu.”

            (He pretends that he doesn’t see Junhui wiping a fake tear. That piece of shit.)

            Wonwoo breaks into a wide grin, nose scrunching up and eyes crinkling in joy. Soonyoung can’t help but mirror the grin as he nudges Wonwoo’s shoulder playfully. The confession session continues: Soonyoung to Jisoo (The girl one. Apparently the boy Jisoo is busy dozing off due to his overnight shift at Medical Bay), and Jisoo to Myungeun.

            “Ah, the world felt  _so_ much better!” Myungeun exclaims, grinning like a child as she suddenly starts singing in a very loud, offbeat voice. She’s definitely drunk.

            Soonyoung watches Changkyun volunteering to take her back to her room, which Wonwoo agreed to immediately, giving him thumbs up like a proud father. It’s so funny to watch people around them fall in love with each other and though he hasn’t experienced it himself, Soonyoung has always been curious about how it feels like.

            The group eventually grows smaller, with people slowly retracting to their lair to catch a short hour of sleep before the hectic morning comes around. There’s only a few that stays, and when both Junhui and Jihoon bid them good night, Soonyoung realizes it’s only him and Wonwoo.

            If there’s something that Soonyoung is bad at, it’s handling silence. He always likes a conversation, whether to start it first or listen to someone’s story, but when it comes to Wonwoo, silence never feels heavy. He knows that Wonwoo chooses his words and actions carefully, thus seen a bit aloof by other people, but it doesn’t mean his best friend is not capable of being affectionate. Even through silence, Wonwoo’s presence brings him some sort of comfort.

            Soonyoung brings his knees close to his chest, hugging them as he catches Wonwoo’s longing stare at the empty hangar across them. “Wonwoo?” he calls his name gently.

            “Yeah?” Wonwoo answers, eyes remain glued to the same direction.

            “You okay?”

            He finally stare back at Soonyoung, “Huh? Yes?”

            Soonyoung rolls his eyes. “You’ve been staring at the same spot for a minute and it honestly creeps me out.”

            “Shut up,” he laughs, but the smile doesn’t reach his eyes. “Hey, have you ever thought of Endless’ gender?”

            “It’s obviously a boy,” Soonyoung says, lifting his head upwards to stare at Endless’ head two hundred feet above him. “He’s my son.”

            “Endless is a girl,” Wonwoo scoffs. “Jisoo-noona told me. And judging from its sleek and swift design, it's definitely a girl. You know, a goth looking girl like Death from Sandman.”

            “Stop feeding your inner geekiness on Endless, you dork,” Soonyoung shoves his best friend hard enough to make him tumble onto the floor. Wonwoo laughs, but there’s a slight sadness in his eyes as he remain lying on the ground and it makes Soonyoung frown. “But fine. It’s a she then.”

            “Will it make Chan her uncle?” Wonwoo gets back to his position, chin perched on the top of his folded knees. “Can I be her godfather?”

            “I thought you’d be her father, with me,” Soonyoung furrows his eyebrows. “Did you just bail on me and leave me to be a single father?”

            That produces a loud snort from Wonwoo, shoulder shaking as he holds his laughter. “Maybe,” he says, mischievous smile gracing his pale face. “You have to change her diaper, brush her hair and get her to school early in the morning. Good luck, Soon-ah.”

            Soonyoung laughs at that. “Now that sounds really weird. But really, regardless of its gender, Endless has always been something precious to me. She protected me through this cruel world, (and I know she’ll continue doing it for me.)”

            There it is again, the flash of sadness in Wonwoo’s gaze as he offers him a timid smile. Soonyoung feels a pang inside, but he can’t pinpoint why (or maybe deep down he thinks he knows.) He watches Wonwoo reach for his half empty can, lifting it up and waiting for Soonyoung to clink their can together, so he did.

            Wonwoo’s deep voice echoes in the empty hangar, “For the universe that we can’t figure out. Cheers.”

 

✰✰✰

 

            Today is chaotic.

            It all starts when Otachi emerges from the Breach so early in the morning, when everyone is still trying to fight off sleep. Soonyoung has to wake Chan up and rush to the changing room before getting to the Conn-Pod. When they have confirmed the calibrating system, the voice that greets him isn’t the familiar deep voice of Wonwoo.

            “He got submitted to the Medical Bay last night,” Jihoon says over the comms. “I thought you knew.”

            It immediately ruins his concentration. Chan has to reach him through the Drift and calm him down. The Kaiju manages to claw on Endless’ right arm during the battle, which Soonyoung sure would leave a faint scar on him. He doesn’t pay much attention to the pain, let alone the battle. It was like he’s going on autopilot. Jihoon has to scold him hard enough to snap him back to reality.

            When he gets back to the Shatterdome, Soonyoung excuses himself and almost trips running to the Medical Bay. Cradling his bleeding arm, he enters into the enormous white room and frantically searches for his best friend before Lizzy grabs him.

            “You. Sit on the bed. There’s no way I’ll let you go without cleaning up your wound,” Lizzy says in a firm tone, pushing the pilot to sit on an empty bed. Going against Lizzy right in her territory doesn’t seem like a good plan, so Soonyoung stays put on the bed while she retrieves the aid kit.

            (Lizzy was the very first crew that welcomed him with a hug, claiming Soonyoung as her son and much to his amusement, decided to baby him a lot. She’s still one of the closest people he had in the Shatterdome, a big sister that always nags when he overworks himself and scolds him when he’s in fight with Wonwoo.)

            Soonyoung takes a long, deep breath as he scans around the room. He catches sight of the Jisoos (they’re not even twins but everyone likes to call them as a unit as if they were actually twins) taking care of an injured Jumphawk pilot, mending and healing broken bones and wounds. There’s also Seungcheol—the youngest ever Marshall in history—talking to Myungsoo, the head of medical team. But there’s no sign of Wonwoo even after scanning the room for the umpteenth time.

            He remembers there’s something between Jaeger pilots called Ghost Drifting: a phenomenon where pilots move in sync, or speak like they know what’s in each other’s head even outside the Jaeger. Soonyoung has had a few moments like that with Chan; finishing each other sentences or reaching for the same food at the same time. It wouldn’t apply to him and Wonwoo, yet he seems to be able to read him, to catch up to him, to find him between the sea of people in the Shatterdome.

            (Maybe it wasn’t Ghost Drifting. Maybe it’s just that his heart is always leading him to Wonwoo.)

            Like right now, there’s something that tells him to take a look at the bed beside him, so he does. Soonyoung brushes away the curtain next to his bed and there he is. The pilot drops himself to lie on the bed, the pain and fatigue starting to seep into his bones. His eyes are glued to the sleeping Wonwoo next to him and he winces at the sight of an IV drip hooked into his thin arm. Soonyoung knows how much Wonwoo hates needles and the sort.

            The more he stares at him, the more prominent his eyebags look. He’s never been a morning person in the first place and of course he would put his job on top of everything, sacrificing hours of sleep everyday just to keep everyone safe. Suddenly, he becomes aware of how ignorant he’s been about Wonwoo’s well-being.

            “He was admitted last night.” Soonyoung shifts a bit so Lizzy can sit on the edge of the bed. He watches  the doctor dabbing a damp cotton on his wound, the blood spreading across the white surface. “His neural system was acting up again, and he’s sleep deprived. I had to put him to bed because he was too stubborn.”

            Soonyoung chuckles. “That’s Jeon Wonwoo for you, noona.”

            “He only listens to you,” Lizzy frowns, her lips turning downwards. She proceeds to wrap the wound gently. “He was a great Ranger.”

            “He still is,” Soonyoung mumbles, eyes glued to his best friend. “He still goes into battles with me.”

            Fondness flashes in Lizzy’s tender eyes, before her lips curl into a mischievous smile. Soonyoung squirms under her gaze, trying his best to keep a blank face like he’s afraid Lizzy would be able to look into the deepest corner of his mind.

            “I have to say that the fact that he never leaves your side even after the accident baffled me,” she says, tying the bandage in a firm knot before patting his arm gently. “That kind of person is the one that you have to keep close in your life. No one’s gonna be like him, you know.”

            Soonyoung only manages to answer her with a small nod, “I know.”

            “I hope you’re not holding yourself back, Soonie.” She entwines their fingers together and it makes Soonyoung miss his older sister back home. “Don’t let regret eats you away and keep you even one centimeter away from happiness.”

            “I—Okay, I’ll try not to—”

            He’d be lying if he said that he’s not grateful to see Myungsoo approaching them, saying that there’s an urgent matter to attend to in the surgery room and they need her immediately. It’s not that Soonyoung hates Lizzy, he just doesn’t want to deal with the things that she said just yet. A small chuckle escapes his lips when Myungsoo (playfully) nags at his wife for not paying attention to him and instead kisses Soonyoung on the cheek. He waves at them until they disappear behind the white door.

            Something heavy coils in his chest as he stares at Wonwoo. His hands feel itchy, wanting to reach for his best friend and brush his hair away, to ease his pain because Wonwoo keeps furrowing his eyebrows in his sleep. Guilt and pain hurtle into each other inside his chest, making Soonyoung feel helpless. So he shifts his position, keeping his eyes on Wonwoo until sleep takes him entirely.

 

✰✰✰

 

 _They were 2 of the top cadets,_ _ready to be assigned to Shatterdomes across the Pacific Ocean. When their leader announced that they would be co-pilots back in their hometown, Soonyoung and Wonwoo burst into jolly laughter. It was enough to keep them going in this wrecked world._

_Morpheus Cyclone was a grace. The tallest Mark III in that year, donned in pale gray armor and by far, the lightest Jaeger ever made. The first time they got inside Morpheus, there was no doubt that it was made for Soonyoung and Wonwoo. And with Morpheus too, they scored their first kill._

_They were getting good at fighting and winning._

_Soonyoung was in awe that every time they got into neural handshake phase, their memories melded and he could feel Wonwoo inside his head. Although it mostly always felt like he was seeing his own memories, as he spent half of his life with Wonwoo. They shared the same memories and that was what made them fight better._

_But their first lost, was also their last ride as partners._

_Knifehead was their opponent that day, a large and bulky Category III with a long, sharp nose that Soonyoung immediately knew they had to avoid. They were deployed a few minutes before the Kaiju reached Busan, standing tall between the city and the walking disaster itself._

_When Soonyoung turned his gaze towards his co-pilot, he can see so many feelings gleaming in Wonwoo’s tender eyes. He couldn’t exactly name them, but it left him a little breathless. He hoped Wonwoo wouldn’t be able to catch it through the Drift._

_They grinned at each other and Wonwoo said, “Let’s kick some ass.”_

_Never underestimate your opponent, even if it looked as dumb and ugly as Knifehead. It was pretty smart, ripping apart Morpheus’ armor bit by bit as they tried to disable the monster by slashing its thick skin with the plasma blades. Heavy breaths were heard through the comms, and Soonyoung glanced at his co-pilot to find Wonwoo staring at the screen with so much fire in his eyes. It was the gaze that he always saw when Wonwoo had something in his mind, something to pursue. It was the same gaze that Soonyoung saw when Wonwoo concealed his true feelings from him. The feelings that had been piling up for years and finally snuck their way to Wonwoo’s throat and stole his voice._

_(Soonyoung hasn’t given him any answer. It’s been more than a year, but he couldn’t bring himself to choose over a yes or a no. He’s a bastard, he knows that.)_

_Wonwoo glanced back at Soonyoung, confusion flashing across his face, “You okay?”_

_“Yeah,” Soonyoung gulped, swallowing the lump in his throat. His mouth curled into a deep frown; he had no sight of the Kaiju. “Shit, it’s hiding. Any idea to bring it down?”_

_Wonwoo shrugged, scanning the_ _volatile_ _ocean but Knifehead was too fast to be caught by Morpheus’’ radar. “I can’t think of anything. Watch out, he might jump out of nowhere.”_

_The first thing that came to Soonyoung’s mind when Knifehead pulled Morpheus’ by the feet and sending the Jaeger sinking down into the deep was death. It felt almost surreal to be submerged in the water. All he could see was dark, murky blue and bubbles and he felt suffocated. But then he heard Wonwoo shouting his name through the comms, snapping him out from the shock and that was when he realized Knifehead was trying to drown them._

_“Soonyoung!” Wonwoo’s voice sounded garbled between all the noise. “Get the cannon!”_

_Soonyoung pressed the button, pulling his elbow back as Morpheus’ right hand transformed into a massive cannon but Knifehead beat him to it. The monster’s sharp snout stabbed through Morpheus’ chest and pain bloomed in Soonyoung’s chest, spreading into his whole body like wildfire._

_The pain continued as the AI voice warned them about leaking reactor, colliding with Seungcheol’s voice shouting their names. There was so much noise and pain and chaos right in front of his eyes, rendering Soonyoung into the edge of consciousness. He could hear Wonwoo shouting his name, he sounded deafening in his ears but he had no energy to keep his eyes open, let alone answer his co-pilot._

_All he could remember was Wonwoo whispering something over the comms before the darkness swallowed him._

_(Wonwoo was still connected to him when Soonyoung blacked out, so everything that was planted into Wonwoo’s memory also become his._

_He could remember how Wonwoo struggled to keep Morpheus alive by himself. There was a vivid image of desperation filling Wonwoo’s eyes, nearly dragging him down to surrender and wither away. He could hear Wonwoo muttering words to himself, the broken AI voice warning him something about the damages Morpheus was experiencing but he knew that Wonwoo deliberately ignored the warnings. He stole a glance at Soonyoung before disconnecting him from Morpheus and leaving himself to fight alone.)_

 

 

_He woke up in the Medical Bay three days later, and Wonwoo was nowhere to be found._

_Jihoon told him that Wonwoo went for Knifehead alone, gathering all the energy he had left to stab the monster right through its throat and straight to its brain. The Jumphawk pilots found him first, unconscious but safe nonetheless. Jihoon didn’t answer when Soonyoung asked about his best friend, instead he took him to the ICU._

_Soonyoung felt like half of his soul was taken away when he saw Wonwoo laying weakly on the bed, life supported by machines. He stepped closer to the bed to reach for Wonwoo’s hand. Soonyoung noticed how cold his hand was, so he wrapped his fingers around his, sun-kissed skin against pale one. He couldn’t bring himself to hold back his tears as he rested his head gently on Wonwoo’s chest. More tears spilled onto Wonwoo’s pristine blanket before Lizzy came and explained that Wonwoo’s neural system was damaged beyond repair._

_Just like that, Soonyoung had lost the light that had been carrying him through battles._

 

✰✰✰

 

            It’s raining outside.

            When Soonyoung finds him in the Jaeger Bay that night, he’s sitting on the stairs across the empty hangar number 4. A vivid image of tall, sturdy Morpheus Cyclone standing in the spot Wonwoo has been staring at comes into Soonyoung’s mind. He’s suddenly aware that Wonwoo has shifted his gaze to him, as if he knows that Soonyoung has the same yearning for Morpheus tonight.

            Soonyoung quietly takes a seat next to him, careful enough to keep a distance. He’s about to speak when Wonwoo beats him to it, “He would’ve been two years old today.”

            The memories of Morpheus’ arrival suddenly resurfaces. It was somewhere in between June and July two years ago, a day after their arrival to Shatterdome, and it undoubtedly became a memorable day for both Soonyoung and Wonwoo. Apparently, today is the day.

            “A toddler,” Soonyoung tries to smile, only to have his lips quivering at the thought. “I miss him.”

            Wonwoo shifts to hug his knees closer, it makes him looks so small and vulnerable. It reminds Soonyoung of the awkward elementary schooler Wonwoo, who chose to stay in the class solving puzzles instead of running around in the playground, who cried over the sprout he accidentally stepped on. He watched him grow into a clever young man, whose knowledge always surprised him and who had been able to read him long before the Drift. There’s an unsaid vow between them that they will stay together until the world’s end, but now it’s not Wonwoo that he’s fighting alongside with. The sudden realization hits him like a wrecking ball, that he had broken their silent promise in an equally silent choice.

            “I kept a small part of his toe under my pillow,” Wonwoo says casually. Soonyoung should’ve snorted at the confession, but instead his chest feels a little tighter. “I hope the Lord of Dreams will let me see him again.”

            Soonyoung bumps his shoulder with Wonwoo’s, grimacing, “You’re gonna make me cry, Won.”

            “Oh, please don’t. I wasn’t mourning, I was just trying to keep him alive.” He looks at Soonyoung, who tries to keep his face neutral. “He’s still alive in my memory.”

            “This is exactly how you’re gonna make me cry,” Soonyoung huffs in annoyance, only to have Wonwoo laugh at him. “But yeah, no matter how good I am with Endless, there will always be a spot that remains unchanged inside my soul for Morpheus.”

            “He’ll be glad to hear that,” Wonwoo’s gaze is back to the hangar where Morpheus used to be placed in, a thin smile gracing his somber face.

            Soonyoung’s throat feels a little bit dry, words stuck in between while his mind is running for miles. There are so many things he wants to say to Wonwoo, but he can’t find the   right one to utter. It takes him a few minutes of silence to blurt out a sentence, weakly.

            “Wonwoo, I’m sorry.”

            It’s enough to return Wonwoo’s attention back to him, eyes wide as if he can’t believe his ears. There’s a crease between his eyebrows as he speaks, “Why would you be sorry?”

            “I was the one who made you fight alone. If only I were stronger, you didn’t have to do it by yourself. I promised you that we would fight together, but it was also me who broke it.” Soonyoung rubs his face, upsetat himself. “If only I didn’t black out, you would’ve still been okay and we would’ve still remained as partners. You don’t have to sit behind a screen, you could’ve been fighting alongside me.”

            “I’m still fighting alongside you, even if we’re not in a Jaeger. We’re still partners, first and foremost. Nothing’s changed, Soonyoung,” Wonwoo’s voice is so calm that it surprises Soonyoung. “I’m still here.”

            “Why aren’t you angry at me?” Soonyoung heaves out a sigh.

            It’s silent after he asked the question. He wonders whether he had pushed a button, that he’s seconds away from Wonwoo yelling and cursing at him for leaving himself damaged, or maybe Wonwoo will stop being his friend and leave him to live with the guilt for the rest of his life.

What comes after is nothing that Soonyoung has expected.

            “Maybe it’s because I’m still in love with you.”

            Soonyoung is so struck by the words, his heart races as Wonwoo stares back at him. “It was ridiculous, I know. I know that you haven’t given me an answer, and don’t worry, I’ve come to terms that I might not need to wait for your answer. It’s very selfish of me, but I want to love you as much as I can. The world is in chaos and I don’t have much time left to mourn over my one-sided affection,” Wonwoo says quietly, eyes locked gazes with the boy he loves. “It was my choice to disconnect you from Morpheus. To protect you. I can’t get angry at you, because it’s my choice and not your fault.”

            It takes a pregnant silence for Soonyoung to process everything that Wonwoo had just said. And it dawns on him that, after all this time, Wonwoo is still in love with him. The feeling doesn’t falter even a bit and it makes him question himself: What about him? Did he fall in love with Wonwoo too?

            Confusion swims around in Soonyoung’s head, and being the only person that can read Soonyoung almost in an instant, the corner of Wonwoo’s lips lift upward in a small, yet sad smile.

            “You don’t have to say anything.” A low, deep chuckle escapes Wonwoo’s lips. “Maybe one day you’ll know the answer. And I hope I’ll still be there so you can tell me what it is.”

            The sound of Wonwoo’s footsteps getting farther has never sounded heavier than tonight.

 

✰✰✰

 

            There’s nothing that changes between Wonwoo and Soonyoung.

            Except that Soonyoung feels the rush of blood to his face whenever Wonwoo is near. Wonwoo doesn’t even act awkward  _at all_  and it leaves Soonyoung clueless. So what should he do now?

            They’re bound to meet again at the cafeteria, and of course the only empty seat on the table is right beside Wonwoo. He takes a deep breath before greeting his friends and takes a seat next to his best friend, who acknowledges his arrival with raised eyebrows.

            “What’s with the frown?” Wonwoo laughs as Soonyoung’s frowns grows even deeper and proceeds to casually rubs his thumb on the crease between his eyebrows. “You look old.”

            “Shut up, I’m only a month older than you.”

            “Does the absence of battles make you feel anxious?” he asks, voice gentle in the middle of the chaos that Seokmin and Chan cause at their table.

            Soonyoung shrugs. He doesn’t know whether it is really what makes him feel weird or is it because of Wonwoo’s sudden confession a week ago. Wonwoo acts like the words never fell out of his lips, which should make Soonyoung feel relief that their friendship isn’t in the brink of extinction. But weirdly, it doesn’t stop making Soonyoung feel anxious.

            “No, I’m alright. It’s just a sudden drop of mood,” Soonyoung heaves out a loud sigh, poking at the mashed potato in his tray.

            “You’ll be fine. I know you will.” Wonwoo threads his bony fingers in Soonyoung’s hair, petting his head gently to soothe him. It’s a simple gesture he’s offered ever since they were kids, but it feels different now.

            He watches Wonwoo announcing his departure from the table, eyes glued to the smug grin on his best friend's face when he said that he had the entire Pacific Ocean to take care of. Soonyoung feels a gentle pat on his back when Wonwoo leaves and there it is again, the unfamiliar feeling twisting in the pit of his stomach.

            What’s happening to him?

 

 

            “You keep getting out of alignment, hyung,” Chan pouts as he takes off his helmet, droplets of sweats flying haphazardly as he shakes his head. “You’re so out of focus.”

            “Sorry,” is all Soonyoung can say. He watches as the simulator dies down, the Kaiju-shaped hologram dispersing into nothing and he immediately disconnects the wires on his back spine. Soonyoung feels drained.

            When they’re both out of the simulator room, Chan grabs his hand and pulls him to sit on an empty seat far away in a corner. Soonyoung doesn’t react much at this, he’s aware that Chan was tapping into his thoughts earlier and he can’t bring himself to care.

            “Hyung,” Chan starts, voice tight. “Don’t beat yourself up too much.”

            Soonyoung doesn’t reply to his words. He takes a deep breath before whispering under his breath, “It was my fault.”

            “It wasn’t. Remember what Wonwoo-hyung said when I got chosen as your co-pilot?” The mention of Wonwoo’s name makes Soonyoung shift his gaze to Chan, who grins at the memory. “’When you’re in a battle, you have to make decisions and live with the consequences.’ He was a great Ranger, he’s someone that I look up to when it comes to battles—no offense, although you’re also my favorite—and he’s a man of his word. When he says something, he’ll live with it and he means it with all his soul. Including the accident. It was never your fault.”

            Soonyoung rubs his face in exasperation, leaning back into the couch and letting Chan’s words sink into his brain. He’s let the guilt and fear of losing eat him away for years, unconsciously blinding himself from the sole reason that remains buried underneath.

            “You have to be true to yourself,” Chan says. “You don’t have forever, you know. Don’t waste the days keeping him in the dark when you two can have more chances to kiss the life out of each other.”

            Soonyoung hides the blush on his face by taking Chan into a headlock, the younger pilot flailing his arms to push him away with a loud whine. He eventually lets Chan go, gasping for breath as he grins. “As much as I like you, sometimes I miss drifting with Wonwoo. He’s quiet, unlike you.”

            “Says the one who’s constantly screaming in his head,” Chan grunts before running away from his seat to avoid Soonyoung’s punch. “Now or never, hyung.”

            Now or never. Before the world comes to an end.

            Before he knew it, he’s taking steps to the LOCCENT Room. Soonyoung tries to steady his heartbeat, tries his best to walk as casually as he can (of course he fails and he ends up running through the crowded corridors).

            And there he is, on his throne watching the screen filled with the planes of the Pacific Ocean illuminating in bright blue. He drinks in the sight of Wonwoo’s broad back, slightly slumped because he knows Wonwoo hasn’t been getting much sleep these days just to keep an eye on the Breach. Soonyoung used to stare at his back when they were cadets, lining up for combat trainings. He used to do it too when they were exploring the beach, protecting him from the sea breeze. He used to stare at it, before slumping onto it and cry about how much he missed his family.

            Wonwoo turns around at the same time Soonyoung approaches, and for once, confusion is written all over his face like he can’t read his mind.

            Soonyoung tugs on his dark blue uniform and asks, “Come with me for a while?”

            Wonwoo complies without a word. They’re walking a bit too close, knuckles brushing gently as they pass the tunnel to the direction of the Jaeger Bay. Soonyoung suddenly has an urge to link his pinky finger with Wonwoo’s and for now, he doesn’t hold himself back. He can feel Wonwoo tensing up for a fraction of a second before relaxing. Their linked fingers remain until they reached Endless Riot’s hangar.

            Soonyoung climbs on the stairs with Wonwoo following suit, there’s no gap remaining between them when Soonyoung takes a seat beside him. It's strange that Soonyoung feels content with it, with him being close to Wonwoo and feel the coldness of his best friend's skin.

            “Are you gonna scold me for stealing your pudding?”

            Soonyoung groans, “I knew it was you. I wanted a pudding before going to train my ass off in the simulator and I didn’t get one. Thanks, Wonwoo.”

            A grin flashes on Wonwoo’s pale face, “I’ll give you mine tomorrow.”

            Soonyoung makes a face, “You’d better.”

            There’s a silence when Wonwoo takes off his glasses, wiping the lens with the hem of his untucked shirt. He puts the glasses back on and clears his throat. “So...  anything you want to talk about?”

            It amazes Soonyoung that even if they’re not pilot partners anymore and their last Drift was years ago, Wonwoo is still able to understand him without a word. They had been together a long time before the apocalypse. Soonyoung should’ve realized that they were soul-compatible in a way that some pilot partners couldn’t even be.

            “Thank you for being true to me,” Soonyoung says. “And now it’s time for me to be true to you.”

            Wonwoo remains silent as Soonyoung continues, “We’ve been friends since we were kids, we rode on a Jaeger together, and even though we lost Morpheus, I feel like you’re the only one that can understand me. Whether it’s a push of support or an attempt to keep me grounded, you do it all for me. And you know I’ll do the same for you. I’m sorry that we lost Morpheus, that you lost the chance to fight under the storm and the seas because of me, don’t say it wasn’t my fault—“ Soonyoung lifts his finger up, stopping the protest on the tip of Wonwoo’s tongue. “It  _was_  partially my fault, admit it.”

            “We were drowning in arrogance. We won a lot, we had no idea how it felt to lose to the monsters.” Wonwoo’s laugh sounds so dry, yet he remains smiling at Soonyoung. “I’m sorry for taking the decisions all by myself. All I want to do is keep you safe.”

            “And all I want to do is fight with you.” Soonyoung lands a light punch on Wonwoo’s wiry forearm. “I hate that you guilt-tripped me.”

            “I didn’t!” Wonwoo exclaims. “I didn’t meant to make it sound like it was all your fault and I’m the hero.”

            “I know, stupid,” Soonyoung punches his forearm once again for a good measure, a little harder this time. “What I mean is, thank you for saving me. Thank you for letting me have a chance to ride a Jaeger and I promise I’ll save your ass. But I realized having someone else other than you inside my head is a bit difficult for me. We’ve been together for so long and I have no idea how I can keep this up.”

            Soonyoung drops his head on Wonwoo’s lap, his body bending awkwardly but he doesn’t care. And it happens naturally, Wonwoo’s fingers threading in his black hair to pet it gently.

            “You have Chan, he’s a great co-pilot for you. You’ll be okay,” Wonwoo whispers, fondness and adoration spilling from his words and it’s suddenly warm in Soonyoung’s chest. “I’ll keep the ocean safe for you too.”

            “I know,” Soonyoung mumbles, closing his eyes before whispering back. “I’ll fight for you. And us. You should know that the feeling’s mutual.”

            When Wonwoo doesn’t answer, Soonyoung hesitantly looks up only to find him smiling, eyes turning into crescents and nose scrunching up. There’s genuine happiness written all over his face when he says, “Finally. What took you so long?”

            Soonyoung shrugs, his lips mirroring Wonwoo’s smile. He’s about to say something cheesy when a loud, blaring siren echoes around the Bay. A monotone AI voice breaks the silence with a warning.

            “ _Triple event, detected. Triple event, detected. Category 4 and Category 5_.”

            They both exchange looks before sharing a laugh, resting their foreheads against each other’s and remain still for a minute. It was chaos; crews and soldiers running around the enormous room to get the Jaeger ready, but Soonyoung feels bothered by none of that. With Wonwoo, he’ll be okay.

            Soonyoung shifts his gaze to his best friend—his  _boyfriend_ , before grinning wickedly, “Let’s kick some ugly asses, baby.”

 

✰✰✰

 

            It’s Wonwoo’s birthday when the PPDC announces that they’re going for Operation Pitfall. The Marshall has decided to strap a thermonuclear on Fireside’s back and Endless, along with other Jaegers from the other remaining Shatterdomes across the Pacific Ocean, will assist them to blow the Breach.

            It’s also the day where Soonyoung kisses Wonwoo on the lips when they exit Seungcheol’s office (both Junhui and Hansol squeak in happiness, Jihoon is grossed out and Chan widely grin at a few bucks he just received from a sulky Seokmin as they pull apart, face dusted pink).

            When Wonwoo opens his eyes, Soonyoung can see how much hope he has now, to keep him striving and fighting until the future is bright enough for them to walk through.

**Author's Note:**

> (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:・ﾟ✧let's scream over pacific rim together, hmu @jeonbaragi


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